Biblical Marriage: Love and Submission

 

When I was a child, I used to swear up and down that I was never getting married. I was adamant. At first it was because I thought girls had "cooties" or whatever, but I as I grew up and as I started to actually really like girls, I continued to be adamant about not wanting to get married. But the truth was, I really did  want to get married. I was only saying that I didn't because I didn't want to talk to my parents about girls. I figured that if they thought I wasn't interested then they wouldn't ask about it. That didn't work as well as I hoped it would, and under the surface I had a longing hope that one day I would get married.

What about you? Maybe you are reading this and have already gotten married (like me!), or maybe you're sitting there in complete denial about ever getting married (also like me). If you're not yet married, answer this: do you want to get married one day?

If you answered "yes" or "maybe", this next question is going to be a little harder: What does that mean? What is marriage?

And if you're reading this and you're already married - how's it going? What has been your approach to marriage?

Cultural Perspective:

Before we go into the biblical understanding of marriage, let's first look at our culture's understanding. I went to Wikipedia for this one so if you want to go deeper into the cultural history of marriage just head over there. "Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognized union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws." Our culture typically views marriage in its legal sense - you get tax breaks, certain medical privileges (when it comes to decisions and whatnot), and in some cases even citizenship.

In America, most people see marriage as a couple's commitment to their personal love for one another. We don't typically have arranged marriages or political marriages like you might find in other parts of the globe. While it can be about gaining money or status (I'm thinking about gold-diggers here), usually we see it as a culmination of love. When you're "in love" with someone and they are "in love" with you, you get married. But if, somewhere down the line, one or both of you fall "out of love" with the other (and so you're no longer happy in the marriage), the next step is to get a divorce. After this you may find someone else to fall in love with, and you might start the whole process all over again - hopefully with better results.

Of course, there will be nuances to this depending on who you talk to, but this is the general mentality of modern, non-religious (and even many religious) Americans. This is what we see portrayed on TV, in movies, and in most modern novels.

This mentality stems from our country's pervasive emphasis on individualism. This is the idea that the "self" is most important. Statements like "you are unique", "you are special", "you do you", and "live your truth" all come from individualism. They put the "self" first, above everything else, so that you are always seeking out what is going to make you happy and bring you fulfillment. Consequently, anything that doesn't make you happy is not worth the effort so you should move on. Your marriage isn't making you happy anymore? Drop it. Your spouse isn't making you happy anymore? Find someone who will. 

Its a strictly "me first" mentality, approaching marriage with a "what's in it for me" attitude.

Biblical Perspective:

For the Christian, this is an unacceptable mentality. This is not biblical marriage, and it is not at all what God instituted when He created Adam and Eve.

If you look back at previous posts, you'll see that we have been discussing biblical sexuality quite a bit, and I have brought back again and again that in the beginning God established the norm for marriage as being between and a man and woman. Sex is a good thing that God created, and it is supposed to be enjoyed within the context of the marriage relationship, exclusively. Throughout the Bible, whenever people have deviated from this norm, bad things happen as a result. Polygamy (multiple wives) causes drama, in-fighting, jealousy, idolatry, and favoritism. Adultery (sexual infidelity to your spouse) causes jealousy, fighting, and murder. Sexual promiscuity (sleeping around) causes sickness, depression, jealousy, and usually exploitation in one form or another. And in all these circumstances, the problems always extended beyond just the people involved. The problems affected their families, their children, their friends, their neighbors, and for those in power, entire countries.

Marriage is not meant to be taken lightly, and it is not meant to be distorted away from God's norm. When a man and woman come together in marriage, they unite to become "one flesh". Two people come together as one, so that they are no longer facing life individually, but as one united front. The language switches from "I will do this, she will do that" to "We will do this and we will do that". That's why Jesus said, in response to questions about divorce, "what God has brought together let not man separate".

Marriage, the way God intended it to be, is a direct contrast to modern individualism. Marriage takes individuals and melds them into a cohesive whole. Where individualism asks "What's in it for me?", marriage asks "What's in it for us?" Marriage is all about "we" - its about wholeness and unity between two people.

Ephesians 5:21-33

"21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

In this passage Paul talks about the attitudes and decisions necessary for a biblical marriage to work. We can't approach marriage the way our culture does and expect to have a healthy, vibrant and biblical marriage. We have to approach marriage God's way, so let's look at this together.

Verse 21 - this is an important precedent to the rest of the passage. We need to remember that in Christ we are all one and so we should all, as Christians, submit to one another as we submit to Christ. This goes for everyone in the church, regardless of gender.

Verse 22 - here Paul shifts to speaking directly into a marriage relationship. He calls for wives to submit to their husbands, but what does that mean? "Submit" means "to accept or yield to the will of another person". Within the marriage relationship God has established an hierarchy, that the man should be the head of the family. It is the man's responsibility to lead the family and the wife should submit to his leadership. They might discuss future plans, child-rearing strategies, or finances together, but ultimately it is the husband's responsibility to lead his family in those decisions. In the same way Jesus Christ leads the church and we submit to His leadership. We trust His leadership over us because of His great love for us, which brings us to the next section:

Verse 25 - husbands are to love their wives. I've talked about this in previous posts, but whenever the Bible mentions "love", we need to remember that it is not referring to that feeling of being "in love". Rather, biblical love is a choice, an action, to put others before the self (see how this is in contrast with individualism, which puts the self first?). The love that the husband is commanded to demonstrate is a choice he must make on a daily basis to put the needs of his wife and his children before his own. Let's remember that biblical leadership is servant leadership. It is not some authoritarian rule, where I get to issue commands and my family has to do what I say. Instead, it is a loving service where I put the needs of my family before my own needs, even if it would cost me my life. This is the same kind of loving service that led Jesus to the cross to die for our sins. He loved the church the same way that a husband is to love his wife. We submit to Jesus because of His love for us. Likewise, when a husband makes decisions and leads the family out of that kind of love for them, it becomes so much easier for them to submit to his leadership.

So what we see here is a cycle:

The husband loves his wife, and the wife submits to her husband. A biblical marriage centers around this cycle, and it functions well so long as both people are engaging in the cycle. If the husband stops loving his wife, it might not take long for her to stop submitting to her husband. Vice versa, if the wife stops submitting to her husband, it might not take long before the husband stops making decisions out of love for her. When the cycle gets broken, most people tend to revert to individualistic mentalities - "well, if they're not going to love me, then I'm not going to submit to them" or "I'll love her if she would just submit to me". When the cycle gets broken, that's a sign that the couple needs to have a conversation and return to the Word of God, to be reminded of God's commands for each of them in the marriage.

Now, where most of the protests come in is that we approach these verses from an individualistic perspective. Like the examples I just mentioned, we might say "Well, what if he isn't making decisions out of love for me?" Or, "What if she refuses to submit to me?" The thing is, we can't control other people, not even our spouse. We are responsible for our own actions and decisions, which means that regardless of the other person's involvement in the cycle, it is our responsibility to do our part. For me, whether my wife submits to my leadership or not, my responsibility is to love her. Even if I am not demonstrating love for her, her responsibility is to submit to me. And then we can open up conversations with the other person, with Scripture, about their part. This is probably going to be most fruitful with a trusted third party involved, like a pastor.

But what these questions really highlight is the importance of choosing the right partner. Who we choose to marry is going to have a huge impact on the quality of the marriage.

The Bible warns us against being "unequally yoked", and what that means for us is that we should be careful not to enter relationships with people who do not believe as we do. A non-Christian is simply not going to love you or submit to you the way the Bible commands them to. So when we choose to enter those relationships anyway because "he's so cute" or "I really like her", we are going to face challenges in those relationships because the cycle isn't going to be complete.

A biblical marriage, while difficult to achieve (because it takes both people working in mutual love and submission), but it promotes unity, love, stability, and spiritual growth. Children can be raised without fearing that their parents are going to split up. Some of our students have experienced that fear and seen it come to fruition, and it was hard. Broken marriages affect all the people around them. In a biblical marriage, both partners can feel comfort in knowing that the other is there for them no matter what, and it gives us a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and the church.

Application

Here is what I want you to do: observe.

Look at the relationships around you and figure out how the people in them are approaching those relationships. Are they coming at it from an individualistic, "me first" perspective? Is one person coming into it with their part of the cycle, but the other isn't? Do you see any relationships around you that have entered into this cycle?

Once you have observed, ask yourself this: are they both content? Is there stability? Are they finding fulfillment?

You probably won't be able to answer those questions because you can't see behind the scenes. But as you observe and think about it for yourself, what kind of marriage do you want to have? One where both people are fully supported and loved and cared for? Or one where both people are just trying to satisfy themselves and make themselves happy?

If you want to have a godly, biblical relationship and marriage, you need to be careful who you date and who you marry.

How to Speak the Truth in Love

 Ephesians 4:15 says, "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." Then, in 1 Peter 3:15 the author writes, "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect". Throughout the New Testament, Christians are given the command to go out and speak the truth to the world. And every time, Christians are called to do this in a loving way, with gentleness and respect. So the question for today is: how do we speak the truth in love?

Whenever we ask this question, we have to consider who it is that we are speaking to. How we go about speaking the truth in love will be different if we are speaking to fellow Christians versus speaking to non-Christians.

Christians:

Let's first look at how we are to speak the truth in love with fellow believers. To do this, let's take a deeper look into Ephesians 4. For the sake of space, I was going to ask you to go read the chapter for yourself then come back, but then I figured I might as well just share it here:

1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

7 But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. 8 This is why it says:

“When he ascended on high,

    he took many captives

    and gave gifts to his people.”

9 (What does “he ascended” mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? 10 He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) 11 So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

 Whew, that's a lot. Let's break it down.

Those who are "in Christ" (Christians) are called to live together in unity and maturity, and we accomplish this by being humble, gentle, patient, and loving toward each other. We are able to be this way with each other because we are all one in Jesus Christ - we hope in the same salvation, follow the same God, and live by the same Spirit which allows us to look past our differences. And we all have a role to fulfill within the community which, when everyone is doing their part, brings us together in unity and helps us all to grow in maturity.

When this is all done well, we are able to constantly look back to the Bible for answers and truth, and call each other out when we start to go astray - which prevents false teaching and wrong ideas from gaining a foothold in the church. This is why it is so important for each of us to read and know the Bible, so that we can point ourselves and others to the truth.

In order for this kind of community and life to be firmly established, each person in the community has to choose to put aside the ways and the thinking of the world. Instead, we choose to follow Jesus and His Word (the Bible). Anyone who claims to be a Christian is making the claim that they have made this choice. "Christian" means "little Christ" and we use the term to designate those who choose to follow Him.

Finally, at the end of the chapter, Paul gets specific with the kinds of behaviors we should or should not have toward each other. Speak truth, work diligently, be generous, speak only what is going to build others up. Get rid of unwholesome talk, bitterness, anger, rage, brawling, slander, and every form of malice. Instead, be kind and compassionate, and forgive each other in the same way that Jesus has forgiven you.

All of this is directed at those who believe in Jesus as they interact with others who also believe in Jesus. This is for those who are within the church, that we should hold each other accountable in a loving way. When people claim to be Christians but go against what the Bible teaches, we are called to challenge them on it. Why? Because in claiming to be a Christian, they are claiming to follow His Word (a.k.a. the Bible). Our challenge is meant to bring them back to the Bible, and show them how what they're doing or teaching goes against what the Bible says.

For example, we have been talking about biblical sexuality and identity in the last two posts (go read them if you haven't already). We have established that in the Bible, God instituted that sex is to be between a man and a woman in marriage. That is what He ordained when He created the world. Any deviation from God's design, from His order, is sin.

So, when someone comes along claiming to be a Christian and also claiming that homosexuality is not sinful, we are called to challenge them on it. Why are we called to do this? Because they claim to follow Jesus but also teach against what the Bible says. There is a disconnect between what they claim to believe and what they're teaching. Now, how do we challenge them?

First, we have a private conversation with them. We take them aside, asking questions to make sure we understand what they're saying. Then we point them to the Bible, like the passages I talked about in the post "Biblical Sexuality: Setting the Foundation". The goal is to show them the truth as found in the Bible, and the disconnect with what they're teaching. If, after this conversation, they refuse to accept what the Bible teaches, then we go and bring someone else with us, preferably someone with higher authority (like an Elder or Pastor). If they still won't listen, then we bring it to the church as a whole. Again, the goal in each of these conversations is to show them the truth of God's Word, and how they have gone away from that truth. If, after all of this, they still will not listen or accept the Bible's teaching, we are called to exclude them from the church.

Why is this? Some kind of punishment? No, net really. Essentially, what they have done is claimed to follow Jesus but rejected His teaching. That doesn't work, logically. You can't both follow and reject Jesus. The purpose of excluding them from the church is to demonstrate how serious this matter is: a Christian who will not submit to God's Word has a serious heart issue, and until they are able to recognize that and humble themselves and submit to God, their continued participation in worship and fellowship with other believers will cause a lot of damage. Not to mention that their beliefs will open up a pathway for false teaching to enter the church. This cannot be allowed to happen, which is why we are called to remove them from the church.

But, remember how Paul says we are to go about this: with love and gentleness, without unwholesome speech, slander, or rage. That means we don't yell, put them down, or curse them at any point in these conversations. Even at the point where we need to exclude someone from our fellowship, we aren't supposed to do it with violence or malice. Our goal, even in exclusion, is to bring them to a knowledge and acceptance of the truth.

Non-Christians:

But what about those who don't believe? What about people who are not Christians?

Romans 10:9-17:

“⁹ If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰ For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. ¹¹ As Scripture says, ‘Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.’ ¹² For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, ¹³ for, ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’ ¹⁴ How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? ¹⁵ And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: ‘How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!’ ¹⁶ But not all the Israelites accepted the good news. For Isaiah says, ‘Lord, who has believed our message?’ ¹⁷ Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.”

Those who are outside the faith are not going to accept Jesus' teaching until they have accepted Jesus.

Read that again.

Our goal, first and foremost, is to share the gospel with non-believers. That's the truth they need to hear. If they haven't heard the gospel or haven't put their faith in Jesus, then nothing else the Bible says will mean anything to them. So, what is the gospel?

There is a God who created the whole universe, including you and me.

He established everything perfect and good.

But we rebelled against Him. This rebellion is called sin. We are sinners.

Sin separates us from God and will ultimately bring us death. There is nothing we can do to fix this problem on our own.

God loves us, even though we are sinners. He came to the earth as a man, Jesus Christ, and died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins.

He took our deaths on Himself, so that by believing in Him, we could have eternal life and be reunited with God forever.

This is where Paul's statement comes in - anyone who declares with their mouth "Jesus is Lord" and believes in their heart that God raised Him from the dead will be saved. Everyone who follows Jesus will be forgiven for their sin and made right with God.

Our mission, as given to us directly by Jesus, is to make disciples of all nations, baptizing them and teaching them to obey everything that Jesus taught. We "make disciples" by sharing the gospel with people and calling them to repent (turn from their sin) and believe in Him as their Lord and Savior. When someone comes to Christ, they cast off who they used to be and become made new in Jesus. They are called to let go of their old way of thinking and grab hold of the truth of God's Word.

People need to know that they are sinners, and they need to know that salvation can be found in Jesus Christ. Too often we see the church spreading a message of hate toward the LGBTQ+ community, focusing so heavily on the fact that they are sinners that we forget to share the good news - that Jesus has paid for their sin on the cross, just as He paid for our sin.

But, as Paul asked in Romans, how are they going to call on the name of Jesus if no one has proclaimed the good news of the gospel to them?

Now, not everyone is going to believe. Paul mentions how some of the people of Israel rejected Jesus. As we go about this, sharing the gospel, we have to expect that people are going to reject Jesus, and, consequently, reject us. But we still have to tell them about Jesus, because if we won't, who will? Each of you reading this have friends or coworkers who don't know Jesus. If you don't tell them about Him, who will?

The most important truth non-believers need to hear is that Jesus Christ came and died for their sin, and that He rose again to bring them eternal life with God. Everything else comes after that essential truth. If they won't accept that, they won't accept anything else God has to say through the Bible.

But again, how are we to do this? With love, gentleness, patience, kindness, compassion and respect. Without yelling, anger, slander, malice or cursing.

Anytime we are going to speak the truth to someone, here are some basic guidelines to make sure we are going about it the right way and with the right motives:

1. Listen before you speak. Try to understand where they're coming from as best as you can - don't just assume you know their perspective. Ask questions, let them clarify, and seek to understand.

2. Check yourself. Make sure your intentions are good - are you starting this conversation for their benefit or is there some other motivation under the surface?

3. Watch your words. Keep it simple and calm. Remember, you can't "unsay" anything. Your words can either bring them to a knowledge and understanding of the truth or they can tear them down and cause lasting damage to their life and faith.

4. Pray before, during, and after the conversation. Ultimately, God is the one who is going to work in their lives, so ask Him for guidance throughout the whole situation.

5. Trust in God. Trust that His Word is true, trust that He will help you, and trust that He will care for this other person.

Christian or non-Christian, we are called to speak the truth in love to others. This takes intentionality, it takes practice, and it takes trusting God in everything we say and do. Ultimately, our goal is always to bring people closer to God and to His Word.

Gender and Identity

 What is "identity"? Google defines it as "The fact of being who a person is." It's a "fact" of "being". So according to Google, identity is based on fact, not opinion.

People may identify us a certain way, or by certain distinctions (like skin color, religious beliefs, academic accomplishments, popularity, physical ability, etc.), but how they identify us is not the same as who we are. Who I am is not defined by what other people think of me, because those are opinions. I may identify as "male" or as "white" or as "Christian", but those identifications are not the same as an identity. Identity is based on facts, but who establishes those facts? We'll come back to this in a moment.

What is "gender identity"? Once again, Google defines this as "An individual's personal sense of having a particular gender." Unlike "Identity", this seems to be more subjective - its a "personal sense" as it relates to gender. So unlike "Identity", "gender identity" is based on personal opinion.

This terms gets used a lot in our culture right now. The movement surrounding it has separated gender from biological sex so that it has become something you choose rather than something you are born as. Within this movement, gender "no longer means only male or female. Instead, gender now takes into account identity and expression." Previously, gender and biological sex were the same thing - it was what you were born as. But now, its based on your opinion and how you want to express yourself.

This causes a lot of confusion for people - both within the movement and outside it. You might hear terms like "Gender Dysphoria", which is "a clinical term for unease or dissatisfaction. Gender Dysphoria is the feeling that your emotional and psychological identity doesn't match the biological sex you were born with." What this means is that gender is based more on opinion (or feelings) than on fact. What happens when we allow our feelings to dictate who we are? Well, usually this means that "who we are" changes whenever our feelings change. This is hardly a healthy way to live. It means that we can never really be sure of who we are, even in terms of gender, because it is based in something that changes (our feelings).

This becomes even more of a problem when it comes to the transgender movement. If we base our gender identity on how we feel about ourselves, and then surgically change our bodies to fit that feeling, what happens when our feelings change? What happens if surgery doesn't fix the dysphoria? What happens when we want to change back (if we want to change back)? This is one of the major dangers of the movement: it teaches that how you feel about who you are is more important than how you were born. From there it pushes you to physically alter your body to match your mind. The consideration that it is your mind that needs to be changed is rejected altogether. Why? Because the movement teaches that your opinion trumps reality.

I have interacted with a few people who have been a part of this movement (they have since left). One woman expressed that complications in the transition process forced her to stop. She took time to reflect on her options at that point, and as she thought about herself, she slowly came to realize that her dysphoria was not a confusion of being born with a man's brain into a woman's body. In reality, she was confused because she did not fit into the stereotypes that our society put on women. And because she did not fit those stereotypes, she felt as though she should have been a man - hence why she tried to transition. She has since done a lot of research into the movement and found that much of what is taught about gender identity and transgender ideology isn't based in fact at all. And its causing a lot more harm than it need to by pushing people as it does.

Let's bring this discussion back to identity. We discussed in last week's post that biblical sexuality is strictly binary: there is male and there is female. The Bible points to sex and marriage being between a man and a woman. The two are made one flesh; they are whole, complete. Deviations from this “norm” are sin, and an abomination to the LORD (if you have questions about this, I would recommend reading the post and asking questions there). One of the problems faced with this rise in gender identification is that people usually identify themselves AS their gender. That is WHO THEY ARE. So if someone identifies as gay, or lesbian, or transgender, and then I come along and share that the Bible says homosexuality is sinful, I am not just condemning their behavior, I’m condemning them (from their perspective). I’m saying that they are a sin. Not that they are a sinner (someone who sins) but that they ARE a sin. So they feel attacked, and naturally get defensive. This is particularly so for people who claim to be a Christian while also claiming to be gay, or lesbian, or queer, or transgender. What's really happening in those cases is that these people are claiming to have two identities. On the one hand, their identity is in Christ as a child of God, and on the other hand they are gay/lesbian/queer/etc. This mixes reality with opinion, and those things don't go together.

What does it mean to have our identity in Christ? Well, I don't have a Google definition for you this time. Instead, let's look to the Bible for some answers.

John 1:12 - "Yet to all who did receive [Jesus], to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God."

So those who are in Christ as children of God. That is how God views them.

Galatians 2:20 - "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Colossians 3:1-4 - "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."

2 Corinthians 5:17 - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

When we come to Christ in faith, our old self dies alongside him in his crucifixion on the cross. Then we are raised to life with him with a new self, the new creation. Essentially, who we used to be before coming to Christ dies. It is gone. It is done away with. We are then given a new self, a new identity in Christ.

The problem with the current LGBTQ+ and gender identity movement is that it emphasizes our personal experience and our own ideas about who we are over God's declaration of who we are. When we come to Christ, we put our old selves to death. However we identified ourselves before coming to Christ dies. Every desire, every fantasy, every aspect of who we were (as sinners worthy of eternal damnation) is done away with and become new in Christ. The apostle Paul writes about this in his letter to the church in Ephesus. He says that if they want to become fully unified and mature in Christ, this is what needs to happen.

Ephesians 4:17-24 - "So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles [non-believers] do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed. That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

The life of the Christian is in direct contrast to the way of living of the people around them. Romans 12:2 says it like this: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will."

When we become Christians, we surrender ourselves, our whole selves, over to God. We die to who we used to be and become new in our identity as children of God. He changes us, transforms us, and renews us. Over the course of our lives He makes us more like Jesus. That means our identity is not found in our gender, in our orientation, in our skin color, or anything else. Those things do not define us. Our identity is in Christ, and who HE says that we are.

So as you're thinking about identity, are you going to base who you are on feelings, or on the reality of who God says that you are? I know we focused on gender in this post, but this topic goes beyond that. We allow lot of things to affect how we think about ourselves. We allow so many influences to dictate who we are. This should not be. If you are in Christ, then you are who God says you are. Period. Base your identity on that reality, and not on feelings, opinions, or anything that the world says about you.

If you are experiencing confusion about your identity, whether it be related to gender, sexuality, or something else, please reach out and talk about it. Don't try to find the answers all by yourself. Look to the Word of God as your source of truth, and talk to someone who can help you discover who God says you are. Amen.