Ephesians 4:15 says, "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." Then, in 1 Peter 3:15 the author writes, "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect". Throughout the New Testament, Christians are given the command to go out and speak the truth to the world. And every time, Christians are called to do this in a loving way, with gentleness and respect. So the question for today is: how do we speak the truth in love?
Whenever we ask this question, we have to consider who it is that we are speaking to. How we go about speaking the truth in love will be different if we are speaking to fellow Christians versus speaking to non-Christians.
Christians:
Let's first look at how we are to speak the truth in love with fellow believers. To do this, let's take a deeper look into Ephesians 4. For the sake of space, I was going to ask you to go read the chapter for yourself then come back, but then I figured I might as well just share it here:
1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
7 But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. 8 This is why it says:
“When he ascended on high,
he took many captives
and gave gifts to his people.”
9 (What does “he ascended” mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? 10 He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) 11 So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.
20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Whew, that's a lot. Let's break it down.
Those who are "in Christ" (Christians) are called to live together in unity and maturity, and we accomplish this by being humble, gentle, patient, and loving toward each other. We are able to be this way with each other because we are all one in Jesus Christ - we hope in the same salvation, follow the same God, and live by the same Spirit which allows us to look past our differences. And we all have a role to fulfill within the community which, when everyone is doing their part, brings us together in unity and helps us all to grow in maturity.
When this is all done well, we are able to constantly look back to the Bible for answers and truth, and call each other out when we start to go astray - which prevents false teaching and wrong ideas from gaining a foothold in the church. This is why it is so important for each of us to read and know the Bible, so that we can point ourselves and others to the truth.
In order for this kind of community and life to be firmly established, each person in the community has to choose to put aside the ways and the thinking of the world. Instead, we choose to follow Jesus and His Word (the Bible). Anyone who claims to be a Christian is making the claim that they have made this choice. "Christian" means "little Christ" and we use the term to designate those who choose to follow Him.
Finally, at the end of the chapter, Paul gets specific with the kinds of behaviors we should or should not have toward each other. Speak truth, work diligently, be generous, speak only what is going to build others up. Get rid of unwholesome talk, bitterness, anger, rage, brawling, slander, and every form of malice. Instead, be kind and compassionate, and forgive each other in the same way that Jesus has forgiven you.
All of this is directed at those who believe in Jesus as they interact with others who also believe in Jesus. This is for those who are within the church, that we should hold each other accountable in a loving way. When people claim to be Christians but go against what the Bible teaches, we are called to challenge them on it. Why? Because in claiming to be a Christian, they are claiming to follow His Word (a.k.a. the Bible). Our challenge is meant to bring them back to the Bible, and show them how what they're doing or teaching goes against what the Bible says.
For example, we have been talking about biblical sexuality and identity in the last two posts (go read them if you haven't already). We have established that in the Bible, God instituted that sex is to be between a man and a woman in marriage. That is what He ordained when He created the world. Any deviation from God's design, from His order, is sin.
So, when someone comes along claiming to be a Christian and also claiming that homosexuality is not sinful, we are called to challenge them on it. Why are we called to do this? Because they claim to follow Jesus but also teach against what the Bible says. There is a disconnect between what they claim to believe and what they're teaching. Now, how do we challenge them?
First, we have a private conversation with them. We take them aside, asking questions to make sure we understand what they're saying. Then we point them to the Bible, like the passages I talked about in the post "Biblical Sexuality: Setting the Foundation". The goal is to show them the truth as found in the Bible, and the disconnect with what they're teaching. If, after this conversation, they refuse to accept what the Bible teaches, then we go and bring someone else with us, preferably someone with higher authority (like an Elder or Pastor). If they still won't listen, then we bring it to the church as a whole. Again, the goal in each of these conversations is to show them the truth of God's Word, and how they have gone away from that truth. If, after all of this, they still will not listen or accept the Bible's teaching, we are called to exclude them from the church.
Why is this? Some kind of punishment? No, net really. Essentially, what they have done is claimed to follow Jesus but rejected His teaching. That doesn't work, logically. You can't both follow and reject Jesus. The purpose of excluding them from the church is to demonstrate how serious this matter is: a Christian who will not submit to God's Word has a serious heart issue, and until they are able to recognize that and humble themselves and submit to God, their continued participation in worship and fellowship with other believers will cause a lot of damage. Not to mention that their beliefs will open up a pathway for false teaching to enter the church. This cannot be allowed to happen, which is why we are called to remove them from the church.
But, remember how Paul says we are to go about this: with love and gentleness, without unwholesome speech, slander, or rage. That means we don't yell, put them down, or curse them at any point in these conversations. Even at the point where we need to exclude someone from our fellowship, we aren't supposed to do it with violence or malice. Our goal, even in exclusion, is to bring them to a knowledge and acceptance of the truth.
Non-Christians:
But what about those who don't believe? What about people who are not Christians?
Romans 10:9-17:
“9 If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. 11 As Scripture says, ‘Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.’ 12 For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13 for, ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’ 14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? 15 And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: ‘How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!’ 16 But not all the Israelites accepted the good news. For Isaiah says, ‘Lord, who has believed our message?’ 17 Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.”
Those who are outside the faith are not going to accept Jesus' teaching until they have accepted Jesus.
Read that again.
Our goal, first and foremost, is to share the gospel with non-believers. That's the truth they need to hear. If they haven't heard the gospel or haven't put their faith in Jesus, then nothing else the Bible says will mean anything to them. So, what is the gospel?
There is a God who created the whole universe, including you and me.
He established everything perfect and good.
But we rebelled against Him. This rebellion is called sin. We are sinners.
Sin separates us from God and will ultimately bring us death. There is nothing we can do to fix this problem on our own.
God loves us, even though we are sinners. He came to the earth as a man, Jesus Christ, and died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins.
He took our deaths on Himself, so that by believing in Him, we could have eternal life and be reunited with God forever.
This is where Paul's statement comes in - anyone who declares with their mouth "Jesus is Lord" and believes in their heart that God raised Him from the dead will be saved. Everyone who follows Jesus will be forgiven for their sin and made right with God.
Our mission, as given to us directly by Jesus, is to make disciples of all nations, baptizing them and teaching them to obey everything that Jesus taught. We "make disciples" by sharing the gospel with people and calling them to repent (turn from their sin) and believe in Him as their Lord and Savior. When someone comes to Christ, they cast off who they used to be and become made new in Jesus. They are called to let go of their old way of thinking and grab hold of the truth of God's Word.
People need to know that they are sinners, and they need to know that salvation can be found in Jesus Christ. Too often we see the church spreading a message of hate toward the LGBTQ+ community, focusing so heavily on the fact that they are sinners that we forget to share the good news - that Jesus has paid for their sin on the cross, just as He paid for our sin.
But, as Paul asked in Romans, how are they going to call on the name of Jesus if no one has proclaimed the good news of the gospel to them?
Now, not everyone is going to believe. Paul mentions how some of the people of Israel rejected Jesus. As we go about this, sharing the gospel, we have to expect that people are going to reject Jesus, and, consequently, reject us. But we still have to tell them about Jesus, because if we won't, who will? Each of you reading this have friends or coworkers who don't know Jesus. If you don't tell them about Him, who will?
The most important truth non-believers need to hear is that Jesus Christ came and died for their sin, and that He rose again to bring them eternal life with God. Everything else comes after that essential truth. If they won't accept that, they won't accept anything else God has to say through the Bible.
But again, how are we to do this? With love, gentleness, patience, kindness, compassion and respect. Without yelling, anger, slander, malice or cursing.
Anytime we are going to speak the truth to someone, here are some basic guidelines to make sure we are going about it the right way and with the right motives:
1. Listen before you speak. Try to understand where they're coming from as best as you can - don't just assume you know their perspective. Ask questions, let them clarify, and seek to understand.
2. Check yourself. Make sure your intentions are good - are you starting this conversation for their benefit or is there some other motivation under the surface?
3. Watch your words. Keep it simple and calm. Remember, you can't "unsay" anything. Your words can either bring them to a knowledge and understanding of the truth or they can tear them down and cause lasting damage to their life and faith.
4. Pray before, during, and after the conversation. Ultimately, God is the one who is going to work in their lives, so ask Him for guidance throughout the whole situation.
5. Trust in God. Trust that His Word is true, trust that He will help you, and trust that He will care for this other person.
Christian or non-Christian, we are called to speak the truth in love to others. This takes intentionality, it takes practice, and it takes trusting God in everything we say and do. Ultimately, our goal is always to bring people closer to God and to His Word.
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