The 4 Loves

 SO, our last post covered a discussion on what it means to truly love God, but based on the feedback I got from each of the Family Groups it seems like a lot of yall got hung up on the idea of love. What even is love? And when we talk about love in the Bible, what do we mean? This can be really hard to understand sometimes because in English, we use love in a variety of ways. For example, the following statements are all 100% true:

I love coffee.

I love my mom.

I love my wife.

I love God.

Those are all true statements, but when you think about it, I don't love coffee the same way I love my mom, and I don't love my mom the same way I love my wife, and I don't love any of them the same way I love God. So, even though I am using the same word in all of those statements (love), I mean different things each time. This is why it can be so confusing for us when we are talking about "love" in the Bible. With that in mind, let's look at the four primary words for love in Greek (Greek is the language that the New Testament was originally written in, and these four words all get translated into English as "love").

1. Storge.

Storge is best described as a "fondness of familiarity". It is a bond that comes from shared experiences and circumstances, like being in the same family. You don't get to choose your biological family, but they are still your family. Even if you don't always like them, if they come under threat most of the time you will come to their defense. So, you might call this family devotion. A common trope in media is how siblings will hate each other and get on each others nerves, but when someone else shows up and starts messing around, the siblings immediately defend each other. You might hear the phrase, "Nobody gets to mess with my little brother but me." That's the idea of storge love.

2. Eros.

This is probably the most familiar kind of love for you, because it is what we might think of as "romantic" love. This is a physical, intimate love between a husband and wife, and it is also the idea of "being in love". Eros love is the most prevalent kind of love portrayed in media, although they usually reduce it to more of a lust/passion than actual love. Regardless, most of the time when we use the word "love" in English, this is the kind of love we think about. This is also the closest we get to love being a feeling, since there is an element of feeling involved with this.

Here is the interesting part, just like we use this version of love all the time in our culture today, so too did the culture in Jesus' day when the New Testament was written. Eros love was used and talked about all the time. HOWEVER, this word doesn't get used once in the whole New Testament. Whenever the New Testament authors talk about love, they are never referring to eros love. They DO address the idea of sexuality and passion, but almost always in a context of setting proper boundaries.

3. Philos.

Philos love is the warm affection found between good friends and family members. This is an essential love for the human experience, as we are created as social beings. We need friends and positive relationships in our lives, and philos love is the expression of those relationships. Philos love goes a lot deeper than what we might call friendship, because when we think of our friendships a lot of times they are built around common interests or settings but don't go very deep. Philos-level friendships are very deep and strong bonds that hold people together. Jesus had a philos love friendship with Lazarus and His disciples. David (from the Old Testament) and Jonathan also had this kind of friendship.

Romans 12:10 - "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."

The underlined part there, "brotherly affection" is actually a combination of storge and philos. Paul took these two forms of love and mashed them together to describe the kind of bonds we should have with fellow believers. This is because we are not only bonded together through the shared circumstance of being part of the family of God, but we are also bonded through our shared faith in Christ and call to obedience. Its a powerful family-friendship love that we are called to have for each other as Christians. Do you love your fellow believers like this?

4. Agape.

The pinnacle of biblical love, agape love is an unconditional love. No matter the circumstances, experiences, values, behaviors, actions, words, or anything else, agape love perseveres. In the Bible, this stands out as the highest form of love. Agape love is the kind of love that God has for us. When Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross for the sins of the world, He demonstrated agape love. No matter what we do, God still loves us (and good thing, too). We sin? God loves us. We fight against God? He still loves us. We decide to start hating God? God still loves us. No matter what the conditions are, God continues and will always love us.

John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."

Guess which Greek word is used in John 3:16? That's right, agape. It doesn't say "For God was so devoted to His family..." or "For God was so in love with the world..." or "For God was such good friends with the world..." No. It says "For God so unconditionally loved the world..." He put us first, even though we didn't deserve it.

Matthew 22:37 - "Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'"

Once again, Jesus uses "agape" for the kind of love we are to have for God. We should unconditionally love God with all of our being (heart, soul, and mind). In the Mark version of this statement, Jesus includes our strength, and if you recall our discussion from last week, He set up a totem pole of priorities for us: God > everyone else > me. We are to unconditionally love God with everything we have, and then love others as well.

When we read through 1 Corinthians 13 (the famous love chapter), Paul uses agape for love throughout that passage. He isn't talking about romantic love, or friendship love, but unconditional love, and the kind of love that we are to have for others because that is the kind of love God has for us.

Now, I want to make sure we are all clear on this: when we talk about loving God, loving fellow believers, and loving those out in the world, we are not talking about eros love - the idea of being in love with someone. Biblical love has nothing to do with romance. Instead, when we talk about biblical love, we are talking about the choice we make to put others first unconditionally.

I can love others (and you) unconditionally because that is the kind of love God has for me. With my sin I have hated God, spat at Him, made fun of Him, and my sin was part of what put Him on the cross. And yet, He still loves me. Jesus still died for me. He gave me the example of what true agape love looks like, and He has called each of us to have that same kind of love for Him and for each other.

What would it look like for you to love God the way He has loved you?

What would it look like for you to love other believers unconditionally?

What would it look like for you to truly put the needs of others before your own and live like Jesus lived?

Do You Love God?

 Before you read any further into this post, answer this question with a simple "yes" or "no": Do you love God?

Okay, now that you've answered the question, let's talk about what it means to love someone.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes some of the primary characteristics of love. And before we go into the verses, I need to make sure we are all on the same page here. We are NOT talking about romantic love, dating relationships, or marriage (although this passage is often read at weddings). We are talking about the attitude and behaviors that God calls us to have for others, whether we are particularly fond of them or not. Okay, so here are the verses:

        “4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not                 dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6                 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always          hopes, always perseveres.”

Patient, kind, protecting, trusting, persevering. None of these describe a gushy feeling toward someone. Instead, they are all practical and, dare I say, quantifiable. Someone can look at how you are treating someone else and determine if these things are present in that relationship. People can tell when you are patient or kind. They can also usually tell when you are envious, boastful, prideful, dishonoring, self-seeking, easily angered, etc. Do you see where I am going with this? When Paul (the author of 1 Corinthians) describes love, he describes in a very practical way. In one of his other letters, Paul gives us some more direct insight into what it means to love someone else:

        Philippians 2:3-4 - “3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility                 value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests          of the others.”

Selfish ambition is when we are willing to hurt others and throw them to the side in order to get ahead. The business world is full of selfish ambition - some describe it as cutthroat. It happens when you decide to put yourself first and everyone else last. Only you matter, and you will do whatever it takes to get ahead - that's selfish ambition. Vain conceit is similar, because it also elevates you above others. It is this idea that you are more important than anyone else and you deserve more than anyone else. Love cannot co-exist with these two mentalities. A selfishly ambitious person cannot truly love others, and here is why: to love someone, based on Paul's letters here, means that you put others first. It's not emotional, but rather a choice that you make to humble yourself and value others above yourself. They come first, not you. That is what it means to love someone.

This is how love works in friendships, with brothers/sisters/parents/children, in dating relationships and marriages, and in general in our interactions with people on the street. When we choose to put the needs or desires of someone else ahead of our own, we are demonstrating love for that person. On the flipside, if we claim to love someone, but only ever put ourselves first, then our "love" for them is just empty words. If I say "I love you" but then spread rumors about you around the church, I don't really love you, do I? Paul says that love is demonstrated by action.

Okay, so that's an overview of what it means to love others, but what about God? What does it mean to love God?

In Mark 12:29-31, Jesus shares the first and greatest commandment:

        “29 Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.             30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all             your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as                 yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

There is so much to unpack from these verses and we do not have the space to do it in this post. Basically, Jesus has taken all of the laws of the Old Testament and boiled them down to two main points: Love God above literally everything else, and love others. I mean, think about it, if you are loving God (putting Him first) with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength, what's left? Nothing. That's everything that you have and covers every aspect of your life. So, in everything, God comes first. These commandments create a bit of an awkward hierarchy of priorities for us, because according to this, our priorities should be structured as: God, literally everyone else, and then us at the bottom. God is first, then everyone else, then me. I'm last. It doesn't sound right, but this what the Bible tells us. In fact, this is the exact set of priorities Jesus demonstrated in His life here on Earth. Paul shares about it in Philippians 2:5-8:

        “5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in         very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7         rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human                likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to         death—even death on a cross!”

God came to the Earth in the form of a man (Jesus) out of love for us, so in coming, Jesus put God first (it was the will of God that He come). Then, in becoming obedient to death (and paying for our sins), Jesus put literally everyone else above Himself. He gave His life for ours. His example for us was: God, everyone else, Him. This is the mentality that we, as Christians, need to have. God, everyone else, me.

So, how do we love God?

Jesus tells us exactly how to love God in John 14:23-24 and John himself elaborates in 1 John 5:3:

        23 Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we         will come to them and make our home with them. 24 Anyone who does not love me will not obey         my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.”

        “3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not            burdensome.”

Anyone who truly loves God will obey Him. That's it. That's how we do it. We obey Him. We already talked about the fact that love is an action, and really, it is a choice that we make to put others first. When it comes to loving God, we have to choose to obey what He has told us to do. Love for God is characterized by obedience. So then, if we say that we love God then there ought to be evidence in our lives. People ought to be able to look at the things I do and say, "Yeah, Mike definitely loves God." After all, how do we know that God loves us? Because He put it into action. He sent Jesus and died to save us from our sins. We can look at what God has done and say with confidence, "Yeah, God definitely loves us."

What does that look like?

What does God want us to do? What has He commanded? Well, we have Jesus' summary of the OT Law: Love God and love others. But what else? For the Christian, Jesus has given some very specific commands which can be found in Matthew 28. Right before He ascends into Heaven Jesus commands His disciples to go and make disciples of all nations, to baptize those disciples, and to teach them everything Jesus had taught. This means that every Christian is commanded to be baptized, to make disciples, to baptize those disciples, and to help them learn God's Word (the Bible). If you are reading this and you claim to be a Christian (or you answered "yes" at the beginning of this post), have you been baptized? Have you shared the Gospel with anyone? Have you participated in someone else's baptism? Have you helped someone study the Bible?

These are just some of the things God has commanded us to do, and as Jesus said, those who love Him will obey His commands. These are the things which demonstrate our love for God. If we are not doing these things, not obeying God's commands, then how can we honestly claim to love Him?

If you read those things and you felt unqualified to do them, what can you do to prepare?

 - Read and study the Bible (by yourself and with other believers)

 - Spend time in prayer talking to God and asking Him to equip you

 - Find ways to serve others, both in the church and outside it

When we serve, especially alongside other Christians, we learn how to do it better and we learn from their example. Reading the Bible and praying puts God first and choosing to serve puts others above ourselves. These choices put us in line with God's totem pole of priorities: God, others, me.

Now, let's go back to the original question. With all of this in mind, as you examine your day-to-day to life (not just your feelings, what the things you choose to do): Do you love God?

If your answer changed to a "no" (or remained as a "no"), that's okay. I'm not here to judge or condemn you. BUT, don't stay there. Remember that love is a choice that we make, not a feeling that comes and goes. We have to choose to read the Bible, choose to pray, choose to share the Gospel, and choose to serve others. Every time we choose these things we are demonstrating our love for God. My prayer for you is that you will take these things to heart and change the way you live so that your life demonstrates a love for God. Amen.