Can You Love the Sinner and Hate the Sin?

 Short answer: Yes.

    When I was a kid I did some pretty awful stuff. I used to argue with my mom over everything, I talked back to both of my parents, I cursed at them only once, I kicked my older brother and hit my younger sister, I lied, I cheated on HW, quizzes and tests, I forged my mom's signature on those HWs, quizzes, and tests, and definitely a lot more stuff that I'm just not remembering.

    Sometimes I got away with it - my mom didn't find out about me forging her signature until I told her years later. Usually, though, I got caught and was punished. If the bad thing involved my words, I got my mouth washed out with soap. If it involved physical violence, I got spanked. I got spanked a lot. And if it involved something else, I would get sent to my room or wouldn't be allowed to watch TV or play videogames. The points is my parents disciplined me when I did something bad.

    Now, why am I telling you this? Because my parents loved me. A lot. And they still love me a lot. If I got hurt, even from doing something bad, they bandaged me up. They cared for me. They loved me.

    A phrase that gets used a lot in the church today is "Love the sinner, hate the sin". Recently, our culture has been arguing against this phrase, claiming that it does more harm than good. They claim that if you love someone, you have to accept them for who they are and what they do. They claim that you can't separate these things, so if you "love the sinner" you must also "love the sin". But this isn't what biblical love is. This isn't what we're talking about when we say to love the sinner and hate the sin. Let's dive into the classic "love" passage of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, and see what God has to say about what biblical love is.

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

We can learn three basic lessons of biblical love from this passage:

1. Biblical love surpasses everything else we can do.

    Love is more important than knowledge, more important than prophecy, more important than spiritual gifts, more important than faith, more important than generosity, and more important than sacrifice. All of these things are good, but if they do not drive you to a love for God and a love for others, then you have missed the point. If you are lacking in love, nothing else matters.

2. Biblical love looks to the ultimate benefit of others.

    If we were to restate the middle part of this passage as a summary of what love is, it would read like this: Love is patient, kind, content, humble, respectful, selfless, slow to anger, and forgiving. A biblically loving person protects others, trusts others, maintains a hope for others, and perseveres through hardship (caused by others). These characteristics have the best needs and interests of others at heart.

3. Biblical love lasts forever.

    Love is not a feeling that comes and goes with our emotions - it lasts into eternity. Eventually all prophecies are going to be fulfilled, eventually all knowledge will be complete, but beyond those things are faith, hope and love - with love being the greatest of the three. Biblical love lasts forever because it comes from God. We love Him and others because He first loved us:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God's one and only Son." John 3:16-18

    God's love for us prompted Him to come to the earth as a man and die for our sins so we could be reunited with Him forever. He took our punishment on Himself so that we could have everlasting life. And this is a FREE GIFT to everyone who believes in Jesus. This is the Gospel. This is the love of God. This is biblical love.

Biblical love is a choice that we make to put the needs of others before ourselves.

To put the needs of others before ourselves.

What are the needs of others?

    Let's look back at my childhood self. I was doing some pretty awful stuff - perhaps characteristic of most kids, but awful nonetheless. Disobeying my parents, harming my siblings both verbally and physically, and all around just being dishonest. What I needed was exactly what my parents gave me: correction. They disciplined me to show me that those behaviors were unacceptable and that I needed to change.

1 Corinthians 13:6 says, "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."

    My parents loved me, and because they loved me they did not affirm my evil behaviors. Instead, out of love for me, they corrected those evil behaviors. They loved me, but hated what I was doing. And that involved correction. It involved speaking the truth of God's Word into my life and showing me what was right and good and what I ought to do - they didn't delight in evil; they rejoiced with the truth.

    We see this same concept all through the Old Testament between God and the nation of Israel. Israel was His chosen people, and yet they didn't always follow Him. Quite often Israel rebelled against God and did what was evil in His sight. He hated what they were doing, but as you read the Old Testament, did He ever stop loving them? No. Sure, He punished them for their evil deeds, but His love for them never ceased. He loved them, all the while hating their sin.

    What I needed as a child was correction, and what the Israelites needed was correction, too. People today need correction. Even many Christians have fallen far away from God's will of what is right and good. But each person's first and foremost need, above everything else, is the Gospel. They need the everlasting life that comes by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. In Jesus we have forgiveness for our sin, restoration in our relationship with God, and everlasting life. Correction and life transformation come after that need for life is met, through the working of the Holy Spirit.

    I'd like to clarify quickly that there is a difference between our biggest need and our immediate needs. If we come across someone dying of thirst, but instead of offering them water we only share the Gospel with them - and they die before we even finish sharing - we have not met their needs and we have not loved them. In a situation like that, the loving thing to do would be to meet their immediate need and then share the Gospel. But, if we only meet the immediate need (giving them water) and don't share the Gospel, then once again we have not loved them because while they may live a little longer, they will die without forgiveness for their sin, restoration in their relationship with God, and everlasting life. They will go to eternal torment. Neglecting to share the Gospel is not loving.

    When we see people living in sin - sexual immorality, addictions, idolatry, dishonesty, lust, greed, etc. - we are NOT called to affirm those people in their sin. No. We are called to LOVE those people. And what that requires is that we speak the truth - in love - to them. 

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23-24

    They are sinners, in need of a Savior. We, too, were once sinners in need of a Savior. And by His grace, we are justified through the redemption that came by Jesus. They need to know that regardless of their sin, they can be forgiven and saved through faith in Jesus Christ. He is the way and the truth and the life. To not share this truth with them is to truly hate them.

    Now, if you're sitting there and you're thinking "this is too hard" or "it's really intimidating to share the Gospel", here are three things you can do to prepare to love others the way God has called to:

1. Lean into your personal relationship with Jesus.*

    Through your faith in Jesus you are connected to God's unconditional love for you. His love has changed you and is continually making you more and more like Jesus. Embrace that.

2. Develop a desire for making disciples.*

    Just as you have been changed to be more like Jesus, grow a desire to see others become more like Jesus. Pray that they would see the truth of God's Word and respond with faith.

3. Believe that Jesus can change anyone.*

    If He can change you, and if He can change me, then He can change anyone - you have to believe that He has the power to radically change anyone. What God has done for you and me, He can do for others. Believe it.

    As you prepare in these ways, continually pray for God to bring the right people into your life to support and encourage you in your Christian walk. Then go, live as God has called you to live, and share the truth with the people around you. In this way you will demonstrate love to the sinner, all the while leading them from their sin to their Savior.

Amen.

*These points are borrowed (and reworded) from Steve Schramm's article "How to Love Others Without Condoning Their Actions" which is a good read and helped me formulate my thoughts in this post.

Biblical Marriage: Love and Submission

 

When I was a child, I used to swear up and down that I was never getting married. I was adamant. At first it was because I thought girls had "cooties" or whatever, but I as I grew up and as I started to actually really like girls, I continued to be adamant about not wanting to get married. But the truth was, I really did  want to get married. I was only saying that I didn't because I didn't want to talk to my parents about girls. I figured that if they thought I wasn't interested then they wouldn't ask about it. That didn't work as well as I hoped it would, and under the surface I had a longing hope that one day I would get married.

What about you? Maybe you are reading this and have already gotten married (like me!), or maybe you're sitting there in complete denial about ever getting married (also like me). If you're not yet married, answer this: do you want to get married one day?

If you answered "yes" or "maybe", this next question is going to be a little harder: What does that mean? What is marriage?

And if you're reading this and you're already married - how's it going? What has been your approach to marriage?

Cultural Perspective:

Before we go into the biblical understanding of marriage, let's first look at our culture's understanding. I went to Wikipedia for this one so if you want to go deeper into the cultural history of marriage just head over there. "Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognized union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws." Our culture typically views marriage in its legal sense - you get tax breaks, certain medical privileges (when it comes to decisions and whatnot), and in some cases even citizenship.

In America, most people see marriage as a couple's commitment to their personal love for one another. We don't typically have arranged marriages or political marriages like you might find in other parts of the globe. While it can be about gaining money or status (I'm thinking about gold-diggers here), usually we see it as a culmination of love. When you're "in love" with someone and they are "in love" with you, you get married. But if, somewhere down the line, one or both of you fall "out of love" with the other (and so you're no longer happy in the marriage), the next step is to get a divorce. After this you may find someone else to fall in love with, and you might start the whole process all over again - hopefully with better results.

Of course, there will be nuances to this depending on who you talk to, but this is the general mentality of modern, non-religious (and even many religious) Americans. This is what we see portrayed on TV, in movies, and in most modern novels.

This mentality stems from our country's pervasive emphasis on individualism. This is the idea that the "self" is most important. Statements like "you are unique", "you are special", "you do you", and "live your truth" all come from individualism. They put the "self" first, above everything else, so that you are always seeking out what is going to make you happy and bring you fulfillment. Consequently, anything that doesn't make you happy is not worth the effort so you should move on. Your marriage isn't making you happy anymore? Drop it. Your spouse isn't making you happy anymore? Find someone who will. 

Its a strictly "me first" mentality, approaching marriage with a "what's in it for me" attitude.

Biblical Perspective:

For the Christian, this is an unacceptable mentality. This is not biblical marriage, and it is not at all what God instituted when He created Adam and Eve.

If you look back at previous posts, you'll see that we have been discussing biblical sexuality quite a bit, and I have brought back again and again that in the beginning God established the norm for marriage as being between and a man and woman. Sex is a good thing that God created, and it is supposed to be enjoyed within the context of the marriage relationship, exclusively. Throughout the Bible, whenever people have deviated from this norm, bad things happen as a result. Polygamy (multiple wives) causes drama, in-fighting, jealousy, idolatry, and favoritism. Adultery (sexual infidelity to your spouse) causes jealousy, fighting, and murder. Sexual promiscuity (sleeping around) causes sickness, depression, jealousy, and usually exploitation in one form or another. And in all these circumstances, the problems always extended beyond just the people involved. The problems affected their families, their children, their friends, their neighbors, and for those in power, entire countries.

Marriage is not meant to be taken lightly, and it is not meant to be distorted away from God's norm. When a man and woman come together in marriage, they unite to become "one flesh". Two people come together as one, so that they are no longer facing life individually, but as one united front. The language switches from "I will do this, she will do that" to "We will do this and we will do that". That's why Jesus said, in response to questions about divorce, "what God has brought together let not man separate".

Marriage, the way God intended it to be, is a direct contrast to modern individualism. Marriage takes individuals and melds them into a cohesive whole. Where individualism asks "What's in it for me?", marriage asks "What's in it for us?" Marriage is all about "we" - its about wholeness and unity between two people.

Ephesians 5:21-33

"21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

In this passage Paul talks about the attitudes and decisions necessary for a biblical marriage to work. We can't approach marriage the way our culture does and expect to have a healthy, vibrant and biblical marriage. We have to approach marriage God's way, so let's look at this together.

Verse 21 - this is an important precedent to the rest of the passage. We need to remember that in Christ we are all one and so we should all, as Christians, submit to one another as we submit to Christ. This goes for everyone in the church, regardless of gender.

Verse 22 - here Paul shifts to speaking directly into a marriage relationship. He calls for wives to submit to their husbands, but what does that mean? "Submit" means "to accept or yield to the will of another person". Within the marriage relationship God has established an hierarchy, that the man should be the head of the family. It is the man's responsibility to lead the family and the wife should submit to his leadership. They might discuss future plans, child-rearing strategies, or finances together, but ultimately it is the husband's responsibility to lead his family in those decisions. In the same way Jesus Christ leads the church and we submit to His leadership. We trust His leadership over us because of His great love for us, which brings us to the next section:

Verse 25 - husbands are to love their wives. I've talked about this in previous posts, but whenever the Bible mentions "love", we need to remember that it is not referring to that feeling of being "in love". Rather, biblical love is a choice, an action, to put others before the self (see how this is in contrast with individualism, which puts the self first?). The love that the husband is commanded to demonstrate is a choice he must make on a daily basis to put the needs of his wife and his children before his own. Let's remember that biblical leadership is servant leadership. It is not some authoritarian rule, where I get to issue commands and my family has to do what I say. Instead, it is a loving service where I put the needs of my family before my own needs, even if it would cost me my life. This is the same kind of loving service that led Jesus to the cross to die for our sins. He loved the church the same way that a husband is to love his wife. We submit to Jesus because of His love for us. Likewise, when a husband makes decisions and leads the family out of that kind of love for them, it becomes so much easier for them to submit to his leadership.

So what we see here is a cycle:

The husband loves his wife, and the wife submits to her husband. A biblical marriage centers around this cycle, and it functions well so long as both people are engaging in the cycle. If the husband stops loving his wife, it might not take long for her to stop submitting to her husband. Vice versa, if the wife stops submitting to her husband, it might not take long before the husband stops making decisions out of love for her. When the cycle gets broken, most people tend to revert to individualistic mentalities - "well, if they're not going to love me, then I'm not going to submit to them" or "I'll love her if she would just submit to me". When the cycle gets broken, that's a sign that the couple needs to have a conversation and return to the Word of God, to be reminded of God's commands for each of them in the marriage.

Now, where most of the protests come in is that we approach these verses from an individualistic perspective. Like the examples I just mentioned, we might say "Well, what if he isn't making decisions out of love for me?" Or, "What if she refuses to submit to me?" The thing is, we can't control other people, not even our spouse. We are responsible for our own actions and decisions, which means that regardless of the other person's involvement in the cycle, it is our responsibility to do our part. For me, whether my wife submits to my leadership or not, my responsibility is to love her. Even if I am not demonstrating love for her, her responsibility is to submit to me. And then we can open up conversations with the other person, with Scripture, about their part. This is probably going to be most fruitful with a trusted third party involved, like a pastor.

But what these questions really highlight is the importance of choosing the right partner. Who we choose to marry is going to have a huge impact on the quality of the marriage.

The Bible warns us against being "unequally yoked", and what that means for us is that we should be careful not to enter relationships with people who do not believe as we do. A non-Christian is simply not going to love you or submit to you the way the Bible commands them to. So when we choose to enter those relationships anyway because "he's so cute" or "I really like her", we are going to face challenges in those relationships because the cycle isn't going to be complete.

A biblical marriage, while difficult to achieve (because it takes both people working in mutual love and submission), but it promotes unity, love, stability, and spiritual growth. Children can be raised without fearing that their parents are going to split up. Some of our students have experienced that fear and seen it come to fruition, and it was hard. Broken marriages affect all the people around them. In a biblical marriage, both partners can feel comfort in knowing that the other is there for them no matter what, and it gives us a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and the church.

Application

Here is what I want you to do: observe.

Look at the relationships around you and figure out how the people in them are approaching those relationships. Are they coming at it from an individualistic, "me first" perspective? Is one person coming into it with their part of the cycle, but the other isn't? Do you see any relationships around you that have entered into this cycle?

Once you have observed, ask yourself this: are they both content? Is there stability? Are they finding fulfillment?

You probably won't be able to answer those questions because you can't see behind the scenes. But as you observe and think about it for yourself, what kind of marriage do you want to have? One where both people are fully supported and loved and cared for? Or one where both people are just trying to satisfy themselves and make themselves happy?

If you want to have a godly, biblical relationship and marriage, you need to be careful who you date and who you marry.

All At Once a Gentle and Thundering Noise

     I've found myself listening to "Overwhelmed" by Big Daddy Weave a lot recently (hopefully I don't get in some kind of copyright trouble for quoting their lyrics in the title). In the song they have this line in the second verse: "I hear the sound of your voice, all at once it's a gentle and thundering noise, oh God, all that You are is so overwhelming". This past weekend we took a bunch of students up to our Winter Retreat for a weekend of worship, fellowship, and time in God's Word. For the last decade we've been basically running our own camp - setting the schedule, lining up a band and a speaker, running the games, etc. And for the most part, especially the last couple of years, we were there by ourselves (just our church). This year we decided to join a retreat that the camp planned, which meant they ran the show, set the schedule, and invited a bunch of other churches to join in.

    For the first time in years we had other youth groups to fellowship with. It was pretty cool. The whole weekend was awesome, except for one part: there was no designated "Quiet Time" or "Time Alone with God" on the schedule. Whenever we ran our own camp, we were always careful to have specific times in the morning for the students and leaders to find a quiet space and spend time in God's Word. This past weekend, that didn't happen. So when we gathered on Saturday night to unpack what God had been saying to us throughout the weekend, like we normally do, many of the students felt like they hadn't heard from God at all.

    As I was sharing this message last night, I asked some of my leaders to make distracting noises during the message (and to try to be somewhat subtle about it). Then, as I was about to reveal what I thought the reason was as to why people weren't hearing from God, I coordinated with Emilie to blast super loud music over what I was saying. In case you're curious, it was the original Power Rangers theme song (they went so hard in that song). Naturally, no one could hear what I was saying over the music - it was too loud. So I signaled to Emilie to stop it and the other leaders to stop their distractions. It took a while, but I waited for the room to go silent (yall just love to make comments). Once it was completely silent, I repeated what I had said during the loud music, this time in a low whisper:

The reason we find it so hard to hear God's voice in our lives is because our lives are so full of noise that we never stop to listen and hear how God is speaking to us every day.

1 Kings 19:11-13 - "And he said, 'Go out and stand on the mount before the LORD.' And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'"

    We often expect God to speak with great power and in a big, booming voice. After all, He is the Creator of all things - and He created the universe by speaking it into exist. We would expect such a powerful being to have a powerful voice. And when God has an important message or a challenge to give, He will shout it so you can't miss it. We can see this at work with Saul/Paul on the road to Damascus, when Jesus suddenly appears to him and calls out to him. We also see it when God spoke through the prophets of the Old Testament. But the Bible shows us that God doesn't want to always have to shout to get our attention. He doesn't always speak through great winds, earthquakes, or fires. Sometimes He will speak in a whisper. This is because He wants to have a relationship with us, and He wants us to want to hear Him.

John 10:27 - "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me."

Revelation 3:20 - "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me."

Jeremiah 29:11-13 - "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."

    The Bible is very clear that God is interested in more than just our obedience or our worship - He wants us to know Him. Knowing Him should lead us to obedience and worship. The very existence of the Bible, which we call "God's Word", is evidence that He wants us to know Him. God reveals Himself to us in the Bible. He talks to us through the Bible. And that's why it is so important to find quiet times. It is why we found it so hard to hear from God when we were at the Winter Retreat this past weekend, because we weren't being quiet and listening.

    We can find plenty of examples throughout the Old and New Testaments of people finding quiet time alone with God. Genesis indicates that Adam and Eve probably got to walk and talk with God every day in the Garden of Eden (before the Fall). Moses' first encounter with God was in the wilderness, when he was alone. Samuel was trying to sleep as a young child when he first heard God speak to him. Daniel spent time alone in prayer every day, which is what got him sent to the lion's den.

    As Christians, our most important example is the one Jesus set for us. In Matthew 4 His first step in ministry was to spend forty days and nights fasting in the wilderness - He was spending time with His Father in preparation for His ministry. In Luke 6, before He chose who among His disciples would become "the 12", Jesus spends an entire night on a mountainside in prayer. And the night before He would be arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus spent many hours in prayer. These are only a few of the many examples in the Gospels of Jesus retreating to a quiet and solitary place to spend time with God.

What does quiet time accomplish?

Proverbs 2:1-10 - "My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints. Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity; every good path; for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;"

    When we spend quiet time with God, what we are doing is exactly what the author of Proverbs is talking about. We are spending time in the Word of God, inclining our hearts and making our ears attentive to God's voice - we are actively listening to what God has spoken to us in His Word. He says we should seek wisdom and understanding with the same intensity that we seek money and treasure. When we seek God in quiet times with that kind of eagerness, we will find wisdom and understanding.

Paul says pretty much the same thing in a more familiar passage:

Romans 12:1-2 - "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

    How can we be transformed and have our minds renewed? By spending time in God's Word and listening for God's whispering voice. We have to find a quiet place and remove distractions. That means you don't take your phone with you to that place. I would encourage you to not even play music (even worship music). Do your best to find a place of true silence and solitude. Then, open up your Bible, the Word of God, and listen as He speaks to you through the words on the page. When you stop reading, don't just close the Bible and walk away. Think about what you read. Meditate on it. Ask God to show you what it means, to help you understand it. And yes, I am saying to spend time in prayer. But don't limit yourself to the typical "letter" format of prayer. You know, the "Dear God, blah blah blah, amen." Ask questions, look back into the Word for answers. If you have doubts or don't understand something, talk about it with God and give Him time to respond. Prayer is supposed to be a dialogue, not a monologue, and for the most part God's part of the conversation has already been written.

    If you want to hear God's voice in your life, spend quiet time with Him. Don't set a time limit. Some days you might only spend a few minutes, and other days you may spend half an hour. The important thing is to quiet down all of the noise in your life so that you can make your ear attentive to the Word of God.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

How to Speak the Truth in Love

 Ephesians 4:15 says, "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." Then, in 1 Peter 3:15 the author writes, "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect". Throughout the New Testament, Christians are given the command to go out and speak the truth to the world. And every time, Christians are called to do this in a loving way, with gentleness and respect. So the question for today is: how do we speak the truth in love?

Whenever we ask this question, we have to consider who it is that we are speaking to. How we go about speaking the truth in love will be different if we are speaking to fellow Christians versus speaking to non-Christians.

Christians:

Let's first look at how we are to speak the truth in love with fellow believers. To do this, let's take a deeper look into Ephesians 4. For the sake of space, I was going to ask you to go read the chapter for yourself then come back, but then I figured I might as well just share it here:

1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

7 But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. 8 This is why it says:

“When he ascended on high,

    he took many captives

    and gave gifts to his people.”

9 (What does “he ascended” mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? 10 He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) 11 So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

 Whew, that's a lot. Let's break it down.

Those who are "in Christ" (Christians) are called to live together in unity and maturity, and we accomplish this by being humble, gentle, patient, and loving toward each other. We are able to be this way with each other because we are all one in Jesus Christ - we hope in the same salvation, follow the same God, and live by the same Spirit which allows us to look past our differences. And we all have a role to fulfill within the community which, when everyone is doing their part, brings us together in unity and helps us all to grow in maturity.

When this is all done well, we are able to constantly look back to the Bible for answers and truth, and call each other out when we start to go astray - which prevents false teaching and wrong ideas from gaining a foothold in the church. This is why it is so important for each of us to read and know the Bible, so that we can point ourselves and others to the truth.

In order for this kind of community and life to be firmly established, each person in the community has to choose to put aside the ways and the thinking of the world. Instead, we choose to follow Jesus and His Word (the Bible). Anyone who claims to be a Christian is making the claim that they have made this choice. "Christian" means "little Christ" and we use the term to designate those who choose to follow Him.

Finally, at the end of the chapter, Paul gets specific with the kinds of behaviors we should or should not have toward each other. Speak truth, work diligently, be generous, speak only what is going to build others up. Get rid of unwholesome talk, bitterness, anger, rage, brawling, slander, and every form of malice. Instead, be kind and compassionate, and forgive each other in the same way that Jesus has forgiven you.

All of this is directed at those who believe in Jesus as they interact with others who also believe in Jesus. This is for those who are within the church, that we should hold each other accountable in a loving way. When people claim to be Christians but go against what the Bible teaches, we are called to challenge them on it. Why? Because in claiming to be a Christian, they are claiming to follow His Word (a.k.a. the Bible). Our challenge is meant to bring them back to the Bible, and show them how what they're doing or teaching goes against what the Bible says.

For example, we have been talking about biblical sexuality and identity in the last two posts (go read them if you haven't already). We have established that in the Bible, God instituted that sex is to be between a man and a woman in marriage. That is what He ordained when He created the world. Any deviation from God's design, from His order, is sin.

So, when someone comes along claiming to be a Christian and also claiming that homosexuality is not sinful, we are called to challenge them on it. Why are we called to do this? Because they claim to follow Jesus but also teach against what the Bible says. There is a disconnect between what they claim to believe and what they're teaching. Now, how do we challenge them?

First, we have a private conversation with them. We take them aside, asking questions to make sure we understand what they're saying. Then we point them to the Bible, like the passages I talked about in the post "Biblical Sexuality: Setting the Foundation". The goal is to show them the truth as found in the Bible, and the disconnect with what they're teaching. If, after this conversation, they refuse to accept what the Bible teaches, then we go and bring someone else with us, preferably someone with higher authority (like an Elder or Pastor). If they still won't listen, then we bring it to the church as a whole. Again, the goal in each of these conversations is to show them the truth of God's Word, and how they have gone away from that truth. If, after all of this, they still will not listen or accept the Bible's teaching, we are called to exclude them from the church.

Why is this? Some kind of punishment? No, net really. Essentially, what they have done is claimed to follow Jesus but rejected His teaching. That doesn't work, logically. You can't both follow and reject Jesus. The purpose of excluding them from the church is to demonstrate how serious this matter is: a Christian who will not submit to God's Word has a serious heart issue, and until they are able to recognize that and humble themselves and submit to God, their continued participation in worship and fellowship with other believers will cause a lot of damage. Not to mention that their beliefs will open up a pathway for false teaching to enter the church. This cannot be allowed to happen, which is why we are called to remove them from the church.

But, remember how Paul says we are to go about this: with love and gentleness, without unwholesome speech, slander, or rage. That means we don't yell, put them down, or curse them at any point in these conversations. Even at the point where we need to exclude someone from our fellowship, we aren't supposed to do it with violence or malice. Our goal, even in exclusion, is to bring them to a knowledge and acceptance of the truth.

Non-Christians:

But what about those who don't believe? What about people who are not Christians?

Romans 10:9-17:

“⁹ If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰ For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. ¹¹ As Scripture says, ‘Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.’ ¹² For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, ¹³ for, ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’ ¹⁴ How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? ¹⁵ And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: ‘How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!’ ¹⁶ But not all the Israelites accepted the good news. For Isaiah says, ‘Lord, who has believed our message?’ ¹⁷ Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.”

Those who are outside the faith are not going to accept Jesus' teaching until they have accepted Jesus.

Read that again.

Our goal, first and foremost, is to share the gospel with non-believers. That's the truth they need to hear. If they haven't heard the gospel or haven't put their faith in Jesus, then nothing else the Bible says will mean anything to them. So, what is the gospel?

There is a God who created the whole universe, including you and me.

He established everything perfect and good.

But we rebelled against Him. This rebellion is called sin. We are sinners.

Sin separates us from God and will ultimately bring us death. There is nothing we can do to fix this problem on our own.

God loves us, even though we are sinners. He came to the earth as a man, Jesus Christ, and died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins.

He took our deaths on Himself, so that by believing in Him, we could have eternal life and be reunited with God forever.

This is where Paul's statement comes in - anyone who declares with their mouth "Jesus is Lord" and believes in their heart that God raised Him from the dead will be saved. Everyone who follows Jesus will be forgiven for their sin and made right with God.

Our mission, as given to us directly by Jesus, is to make disciples of all nations, baptizing them and teaching them to obey everything that Jesus taught. We "make disciples" by sharing the gospel with people and calling them to repent (turn from their sin) and believe in Him as their Lord and Savior. When someone comes to Christ, they cast off who they used to be and become made new in Jesus. They are called to let go of their old way of thinking and grab hold of the truth of God's Word.

People need to know that they are sinners, and they need to know that salvation can be found in Jesus Christ. Too often we see the church spreading a message of hate toward the LGBTQ+ community, focusing so heavily on the fact that they are sinners that we forget to share the good news - that Jesus has paid for their sin on the cross, just as He paid for our sin.

But, as Paul asked in Romans, how are they going to call on the name of Jesus if no one has proclaimed the good news of the gospel to them?

Now, not everyone is going to believe. Paul mentions how some of the people of Israel rejected Jesus. As we go about this, sharing the gospel, we have to expect that people are going to reject Jesus, and, consequently, reject us. But we still have to tell them about Jesus, because if we won't, who will? Each of you reading this have friends or coworkers who don't know Jesus. If you don't tell them about Him, who will?

The most important truth non-believers need to hear is that Jesus Christ came and died for their sin, and that He rose again to bring them eternal life with God. Everything else comes after that essential truth. If they won't accept that, they won't accept anything else God has to say through the Bible.

But again, how are we to do this? With love, gentleness, patience, kindness, compassion and respect. Without yelling, anger, slander, malice or cursing.

Anytime we are going to speak the truth to someone, here are some basic guidelines to make sure we are going about it the right way and with the right motives:

1. Listen before you speak. Try to understand where they're coming from as best as you can - don't just assume you know their perspective. Ask questions, let them clarify, and seek to understand.

2. Check yourself. Make sure your intentions are good - are you starting this conversation for their benefit or is there some other motivation under the surface?

3. Watch your words. Keep it simple and calm. Remember, you can't "unsay" anything. Your words can either bring them to a knowledge and understanding of the truth or they can tear them down and cause lasting damage to their life and faith.

4. Pray before, during, and after the conversation. Ultimately, God is the one who is going to work in their lives, so ask Him for guidance throughout the whole situation.

5. Trust in God. Trust that His Word is true, trust that He will help you, and trust that He will care for this other person.

Christian or non-Christian, we are called to speak the truth in love to others. This takes intentionality, it takes practice, and it takes trusting God in everything we say and do. Ultimately, our goal is always to bring people closer to God and to His Word.