Short answer: Yes.
When I was a kid I did some pretty awful stuff. I used to argue with my mom over everything, I talked back to both of my parents, I cursed at them only once, I kicked my older brother and hit my younger sister, I lied, I cheated on HW, quizzes and tests, I forged my mom's signature on those HWs, quizzes, and tests, and definitely a lot more stuff that I'm just not remembering.
Sometimes I got away with it - my mom didn't find out about me forging her signature until I told her years later. Usually, though, I got caught and was punished. If the bad thing involved my words, I got my mouth washed out with soap. If it involved physical violence, I got spanked. I got spanked a lot. And if it involved something else, I would get sent to my room or wouldn't be allowed to watch TV or play videogames. The points is my parents disciplined me when I did something bad.
Now, why am I telling you this? Because my parents loved me. A lot. And they still love me a lot. If I got hurt, even from doing something bad, they bandaged me up. They cared for me. They loved me.
A phrase that gets used a lot in the church today is "Love the sinner, hate the sin". Recently, our culture has been arguing against this phrase, claiming that it does more harm than good. They claim that if you love someone, you have to accept them for who they are and what they do. They claim that you can't separate these things, so if you "love the sinner" you must also "love the sin". But this isn't what biblical love is. This isn't what we're talking about when we say to love the sinner and hate the sin. Let's dive into the classic "love" passage of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, and see what God has to say about what biblical love is.
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
We can learn three basic lessons of biblical love from this passage:
1. Biblical love surpasses everything else we can do.
Love is more important than knowledge, more important than prophecy, more important than spiritual gifts, more important than faith, more important than generosity, and more important than sacrifice. All of these things are good, but if they do not drive you to a love for God and a love for others, then you have missed the point. If you are lacking in love, nothing else matters.
2. Biblical love looks to the ultimate benefit of others.
If we were to restate the middle part of this passage as a summary of what love is, it would read like this: Love is patient, kind, content, humble, respectful, selfless, slow to anger, and forgiving. A biblically loving person protects others, trusts others, maintains a hope for others, and perseveres through hardship (caused by others). These characteristics have the best needs and interests of others at heart.
3. Biblical love lasts forever.
Love is not a feeling that comes and goes with our emotions - it lasts into eternity. Eventually all prophecies are going to be fulfilled, eventually all knowledge will be complete, but beyond those things are faith, hope and love - with love being the greatest of the three. Biblical love lasts forever because it comes from God. We love Him and others because He first loved us:
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God's one and only Son." John 3:16-18
God's love for us prompted Him to come to the earth as a man and die for our sins so we could be reunited with Him forever. He took our punishment on Himself so that we could have everlasting life. And this is a FREE GIFT to everyone who believes in Jesus. This is the Gospel. This is the love of God. This is biblical love.
Biblical love is a choice that we make to put the needs of others before ourselves.
To put the needs of others before ourselves.
What are the needs of others?
Let's look back at my childhood self. I was doing some pretty awful stuff - perhaps characteristic of most kids, but awful nonetheless. Disobeying my parents, harming my siblings both verbally and physically, and all around just being dishonest. What I needed was exactly what my parents gave me: correction. They disciplined me to show me that those behaviors were unacceptable and that I needed to change.
1 Corinthians 13:6 says, "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."
My parents loved me, and because they loved me they did not affirm my evil behaviors. Instead, out of love for me, they corrected those evil behaviors. They loved me, but hated what I was doing. And that involved correction. It involved speaking the truth of God's Word into my life and showing me what was right and good and what I ought to do - they didn't delight in evil; they rejoiced with the truth.
We see this same concept all through the Old Testament between God and the nation of Israel. Israel was His chosen people, and yet they didn't always follow Him. Quite often Israel rebelled against God and did what was evil in His sight. He hated what they were doing, but as you read the Old Testament, did He ever stop loving them? No. Sure, He punished them for their evil deeds, but His love for them never ceased. He loved them, all the while hating their sin.
What I needed as a child was correction, and what the Israelites needed was correction, too. People today need correction. Even many Christians have fallen far away from God's will of what is right and good. But each person's first and foremost need, above everything else, is the Gospel. They need the everlasting life that comes by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. In Jesus we have forgiveness for our sin, restoration in our relationship with God, and everlasting life. Correction and life transformation come after that need for life is met, through the working of the Holy Spirit.
I'd like to clarify quickly that there is a difference between our biggest need and our immediate needs. If we come across someone dying of thirst, but instead of offering them water we only share the Gospel with them - and they die before we even finish sharing - we have not met their needs and we have not loved them. In a situation like that, the loving thing to do would be to meet their immediate need and then share the Gospel. But, if we only meet the immediate need (giving them water) and don't share the Gospel, then once again we have not loved them because while they may live a little longer, they will die without forgiveness for their sin, restoration in their relationship with God, and everlasting life. They will go to eternal torment. Neglecting to share the Gospel is not loving.
When we see people living in sin - sexual immorality, addictions, idolatry, dishonesty, lust, greed, etc. - we are NOT called to affirm those people in their sin. No. We are called to LOVE those people. And what that requires is that we speak the truth - in love - to them.
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23-24
They are sinners, in need of a Savior. We, too, were once sinners in need of a Savior. And by His grace, we are justified through the redemption that came by Jesus. They need to know that regardless of their sin, they can be forgiven and saved through faith in Jesus Christ. He is the way and the truth and the life. To not share this truth with them is to truly hate them.
Now, if you're sitting there and you're thinking "this is too hard" or "it's really intimidating to share the Gospel", here are three things you can do to prepare to love others the way God has called to:
1. Lean into your personal relationship with Jesus.*
Through your faith in Jesus you are connected to God's unconditional love for you. His love has changed you and is continually making you more and more like Jesus. Embrace that.
2. Develop a desire for making disciples.*
Just as you have been changed to be more like Jesus, grow a desire to see others become more like Jesus. Pray that they would see the truth of God's Word and respond with faith.
3. Believe that Jesus can change anyone.*
If He can change you, and if He can change me, then He can change anyone - you have to believe that He has the power to radically change anyone. What God has done for you and me, He can do for others. Believe it.
As you prepare in these ways, continually pray for God to bring the right people into your life to support and encourage you in your Christian walk. Then go, live as God has called you to live, and share the truth with the people around you. In this way you will demonstrate love to the sinner, all the while leading them from their sin to their Savior.
Amen.
*These points are borrowed (and reworded) from Steve Schramm's article "How to Love Others Without Condoning Their Actions" which is a good read and helped me formulate my thoughts in this post.
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